letters to jail

My students were so cute today. We had furlough days this past Friday and Monday, so we had a 4-day weekend. Their homework over the weekend was to write me a letter. I got some really cute letters today. 1. A boy waiting for his older brother to come home late Friday and Saturday night. 2. A girl that wants me to save my money, so that I can go to Guatemala with her over the summer. She told me to only buy things that I need - not things that I want. (That one is going on the regfrigerator ASAP.) 3. A boy that listed ever single movie and tv show he watched and every video game he played. 4. A boy that had his parents write his letter for him - "Dear Miss Carlson, I read 2343545 books with my parents. They helped me practice + and -. etc. etc. etc." 5. A boy that had his house broken into. The Hispanic community doesn't typically believe in banks so all his family's money was stored in their house. This is a very traumatic experience for them. 6. A girl that is in LOVE with her Chihuahua, named Pinto. She tells me very detail about this cute little dog. They are best friends. 7. A boy that has a dad that owns a tattoo parlor and a mom that owns a hair salon. He goes back and forth between each place. The other workers at each place help him with his homework. He's the coolest and sweetest kid around. 8. A boy that asked for more pencils in table 3's pencil caddy. He informed me that they never have enough. If they had enough, he wouldn't have to borrow from table 1 and disrupt the day. This kid will change the world someday. They are SO cute.

The Help

Constantine Jefferson: Oh, you quit feelin' sorry for yourself. Now, that's ugly. Ugly is somethin' that grows up inside you. It's mean and hurtin', like them boys. Now, you're not one of them, is you?

In my profession, I am given the opportunity to shape little people's minds. I spend a lot of time thinking about what I want them to know, how I want them to learn about things, how I want them to feel about themselves, and how I want them to treat others. I wish that someone would have taught me that "ugly" is only a word that describes something that grows up inside you. An ugly person is someone who is mean and hurts others. I think life would have been a lot more beautiful if someone would have explained it to me like this.

Mae Mobley: You is kind. You is smart. You is important.

Every child deserves to be reminded of these things on a daily basis. That's my job. Adults need to be reminded of these things too. That's my hobby. Take the time to make someone else feel important or loved whenever you have the chance. Everyone is fighting a battle and needs compassion - tall or small.

adventures in Kalalau

Over the past few years, I have developed a love for hiking and nature. I began with simple one-night camping trips out of the back of my car, then ventured to leading weekend camping trips with groups of friends, and then it led to back-country hiking and camping. I went on an eight day camping trip to Glacier National Park and brought only a backpack worth of supplies. During this trip I attempted my first back-country hike. I hiked 7 miles to Lincoln Lake, slept at the base of a waterfall and hiked out the next morning. At this point, I didn’t have many of my own supplies. I borrowed from friends or did without until I decided if hiking was something that I wanted to spend time doing. Over the course of a couple years, I have found great deals on gear and have a pretty solid “backpacking survival kit”.

Four years ago, I went to Kauai and had a strong desire to hike the Kalalau Trail. I was discouraged by many people on the island because it was too dangerous. At this time, I didn’t have the supplies, knowledge or experience, so it was too dangerous. This year, I decided to go back to Kauai for a family reunion and the number one thing on my list was to hike the Kalalau Trail.

I knew that it would still be discouraged, but I felt confident enough to give it a try. I spent days online researching and reading blogs about other people’s experiences and read nothing but great things. I was strongly encouraged by friends that had done it earlier this year. I met two guys in Hanalei that live on the trail that were confident that we could do it. All of the people that had done it, had nothing bad to say other than that it was a challenge. On the other side, I was being discouraged by my family and locals that have heard horror stories.

Three days before the trip, my mind started going crazy and I didn’t know what to do. Britni and I went on a walk to discuss our fears and all of our options. We had all of the same fears. The biggest fear was that we were hiking without permits. We tried to get permits, but they needed to be reserved 1-2 years in advance. Second fear was, what if it really was too difficult for us? What if one of us got injured? The least of our worries was the biggest worry of my family - the "crazy people" on the trail. I thought that we may run into a "crazy person" or two, but the majority of the people would be ones with valuable lessons to learn from. There are crazy people at Walmart, but that doesn't stop me from shopping there. We got back without a decision made yet. She started making lists - a grocery list and a supply list. I started typing up our different options. Plan A - hike to Hanakapai'i Falls, camp one night, hike back. Plan B - hike to Kalalau and spend 3 days. Plan C - hike to Kalalau and spend 4 days. The more I researched, the more I wanted to just go for it. We decided on Plan B and went to sleep. The next day, we went to Walmart and Foodland to purchase items needed from the lists. I think this is when everyone realized that we were really going to do it.

The next couple days were spent laying in the sun, kayaking, a big family reunion at the beach, bonfire under the bridge, and crab fishing all while trying to pack and repack bags, make peanut butter sandwiches, read blogs, seek advice and make sure everything was completely ready for Sunday morning.

The alarm sounded at 5am and I didn't press snooze. I can't remember the last time I woke up to an alarm without pressing snooze at least twice. Mom, Uncle Mike and Aunt Vanessa were up to send us on our way. Uncle Mike drove us all the way to Ke'e Beach at the end of the road. It was about an hour drive, but not as nerve-racking as I was expecting. Uncle Mike was calm and level-headed which made me feel better. This is when I realized that my fears weren't for myself; they were for my family. I knew that they would be worried, but I couldn't let that hold me back from achieving a goal I had set for myself. I wasn't used to being discouraged from doing something and I wasn't used to having so many people involved in a decision that I made. It's a great feeling to know that people care about me, but it's a burden to know that people worry about me. I wanted to be able to enjoy this trip without constantly thinking about what my family was thinking, so this was my goal.

We arrived at the trailhead at exactly 7am - right on schedule! Laying by the sign were 5 or 6 walking sticks left by previous hikers to chose from. I chose a tall, lightweight bamboo stick that had duct tape towards the top to help grip the stick. It was a little taller than necessary, but I ended being fully satisfied with my choice. We took a "before" picture, thanked Uncle Mike and headed up the trail. Within the first ten minutes I realized why the Sierra Club and Backpacker Magazine rated this hike one of the most difficult and dangerous trails. We climbed up rocks like stairs, then climbed down, then hiked into a valley and out of a valley. We didn't really talk about the difficulty or anything going through our heads. At one point, Britni just turned around to me and gave me "the look". The look that meant "this is going to be a loooong day". After 2 miles, we reached Hanakapai'i Beach.

There was a nice stream that we had to take off our shoes to cross and a beautiful beach. We didn't stay long because we knew we didn't have much time to waste. We were about 10 minutes past the beach when a mother/son duo decided to quit and turn around. I felt bad for the mom because she was prepared and determined, but her son wasn't on board. The first time we checked the time was at the three mile marker. We were aiming for more than a mile an hour, but realized that it took us three hours and fifteen minutes to hike three miles.

At six miles, we reached Hanakoa Valley and falls. This was another time where we had to take off our boots to get across the stream. I liked these parts because it was an excuse to take off my sweaty boots and relax a little bit. A few groups of people stopped here for the day and camped at this campsite. That didn't even cross my mind. After refilling the water bottle and camelbak, we continued on. Spirits were high, views were majestic, the backpack and boots were feeling great. The hike was never constant. We'd go from hiking on large rocks to small rocks, hiking on paths paved with kukui nuts to loose red sand, hiking on the edge of a steep cliff to deep in the jungle-like valleys. It was never boring because it was never the same. At one point, I hiked to the tip of a valley and as soon as I could see the view of the Napali Coast around the corner, tears welled up in my eyes and I got goosebumps. At that moment, I realized how majestic God really is.

From here on, I just kept imagining how wonderful heaven has to be. I couldn't even comprehend how anything could be more beautiful.

After all the research we did and people we talked to, we heard about a part where it becomes scary and the trail becomes sketchy. This happened at about the 7th mile. During this part, we were following a group of six Europeans that were hiking very slowly and very cautiously. From behind, it looked very scary and very dangerous.

I don't think we said a word during this time. Each step was very important. The wind was blowing like crazy, but luckily it was blowing us into the mountain instead of off the mountain. I held on to rocks, roots and vines as much as I could and kept my hiking stick near the edge of the trail. I was nervous, but I never doubted that I could make it. I just needed to walk slowly, try not to be distracted by the view, and lean toward the mountain. It was easier than I was anticipating, but was a great feeling once the trail widened up again. After mile-marker three, there were no more signs for a long stretch. I always managed to think we were further than we really were. This really hit me when we reached mile 8. I was positive we were only an hour away, but then I realized we still had three more miles to go. This is when my shoulders and back started aching, my feet were throbbing and my legs felt like jello. The view was still incredible, but I was losing my drive. I knew I couldn't quit; I just wanted to be there already. The last three miles were slow and tedious. It ended with a long slow walk with the sun shining hotter than ever down a red dirt hill.

Eleven hours and eleven miles from Ke'e Beach, there was an old wooden welcome sign that said, "This is sacred land. Give it your utmost care. Respect for have knowing you have preserved it for future generations" It was first written in Hawaiian, then translated underneath.

The next thing you see when you reach Kalalau is a big, beautiful stream. Streams have quickly become one of my favorite parts about hiking. Streams are a time to refill, relax and recharge.

I took off my boots and started walking across the stream. This time it much harder than the rest because my legs were so weak. I didn't think I could even carry my boots across so I decided to throw them. One of them didn't make it across and started drifting away, but luckily I was able to retrieve it. After a long break at the stream, we started to look for a camping spot. I had NO idea what I was walking into, but all I cared about was sleep. We stopped at the first little brown sign with a yellow tent on it, chose an piece of land that looked flat and set up the site. We hung a rope to hang our sweaty clothes on, swept leaves out of the way with a fallen branch, ate Portuguese sausage, melted Muenster cheese and wheat crackers. I really could have gone for a greasy cheeseburger and fries, but those probably wouldn't have made it in the backpacks. It was probably 8:30pm when we decided to take ibuprofen and call it a night. I tried sleeping with my feet in the air because it felt better that way. I slept soundly for at least ten hours straight.

Monday morning came and I had no idea where I was or what I was getting into. It was a surreal feeling, so we took down our tent, put on our bathing suits, packed a lunch, and ventured out of our campsite. First stop, the ocean... the waves were pounding and the current was flowing almost parallel to the beach. I had no intentions of getting in the water, until our first friend approached us. He introduced himself as Ikaika and invited us to come out on his fishing boat for a cold drink. How could I pass up a cold drink with two good looking guys? I was very hesitant about getting in the water, but they were swimming with us, so I figured I'd be okay. We dropped our stuff and swam out to the boat. On the boat were 5 good looking guys and an older captain. One guy was from Bali and makes kimonos for Kauai Kimonos, the rest were fishermen. As soon as I started feeling a little seasick, we decided to swim back to shore for a a day of exploration.

This is the part I don't like to remember or think about. When they told us to jump, we leaped off the back of the boat and headed toward shore. I swam with all of my might, but it was harder than I was comfortable with. We weren't making a lot of progress and I started to get a little bit nervous. I turned around and see that Britni is struggling just as much, if not more than I was. I started to swim back towards her a little bit and realized that I wasn't strong enough to be much help. We just had to do it. The boat came back and started driving back and forth to create waves to push us back to shore. This worked and before I knew it, I was touching the sand. We ran out of the water, threw our hands in the air and started cheering for ourselves. I'm sure we looked pretty silly to spectators, but it was a big relief. Lesson learned: I need more practice swimming in the ocean. While we were out there, they told us that they would come back tomorrow to pick us up and take us to the beginning of the trail, so that we could stay another night and not have to hike back. This was a big relief.

Next step...rinse off in the waterfall. This waterfall was like a blessing from heaven. The water fell from high up on the mountain. There were stepping stones that you walked across to get to the base of it. There were also 2 plastic PVC pipes on the ground. I didn't know what those were for, so I just laid on the rocky wall and let the water pour down over my salty and sweaty body. Later, I realized that the pipes were used as a faucet to spray yourself off without having to lay on the rocks. I still preferred laying directly on the rocks. I will never forget my first shower in a waterfall.

Then we headed back to the campsite to pick up our stuff and choose a new location. We dropped our backpacks off to a better campsite under lots of low, beautiful trees and headed toward the caves. There were about five different caves to be explored. The first cave was where people were living and camping. They had a little kitchen, a pantry, a hangout area, separate sleeping areas and a nice little set-up. The next couple caves were dark and empty. Down a little further was a cave that had a beautiful archway entrance that you walked through and it'd take you to the other side where there was another beach.

This was a beautiful sight. To get to the final cave, I timed the waves so that when they were out, I could run across the sand to the other side. I didn't want to get back in the ocean after my first experience. The last cave was my favorite. It was filled with all different sizes of rocks and people built rock towers all over inside. I haven't ever seen anything like it. Of course I had to give it a try and build my best couple rock towers before we decided to head back.

As we walked down the beach past all of the caves again, we decided on our next adventure - the valley. The valley is where our friends Skyler and Michael said they were living. Our mission was to find them. When we met Skyler and Michael in Hanalei, they told us that we didn't need to worry about bringing food because people take care of you in Kalalau. They said that they had a big garden out there and cooked all sorts of delicious meals. They also told us the hot bartering items - coffee, tobacco, cheese, and chocolate so we made sure to bring these items. We went back to the campsite and picked up our bartering items and headed to the valley. The valley was an area that ran all along the beautiful stream that welcomed us to Kalalau the night before. We followed the stream back as far as we could.

The trails were hard to find, so we just stuck to the stream. Along the way, we ran into someone who found a lilikoi fruit for us to try. We found an area that looked like someone's home, but no one was there. I was very curious about their lifestyle, so I tried to figure it all out by observing. Since we hadn't found any people to barter with, we decided to leave a gift for whoever lived there. Next to a colorful painting of the valley on a notecard, we left a bar of chocolate and continued on.

It felt like it was time to give up on our search for Michael and Skyler because we didn't want to get lost when the sun went down, so we started heading back. As we were walking I heard music, so we following the sound of the guitar and bongo to find that Michael was playing the guitar and Skyler was playing the bongo.

I was filled with questions and didn't hold back. I drilled them with question after question just trying to figure it all out. They showed us their garden and explained their lifestyle. Their plan is to start gardens all over the valley for everyone to enjoy. The only thing that was ready to be eaten was the lettuce and a guava. They made a loaf of wheat bread in a cast iron skillet and had Hawaiian hot chili pepper sauce to dip it in. While we were there, their friend Charlene came to visit. After a little while, we decided to offer them some of the bartering items we brought. I noticed that they already had tobacco, we gave away the chocolate, so Kona coffee it was. It turned out that they just ran out of coffee earlier that morning, so were very appreciative of our gift. They brewed up a pot instantly and we drank a cup together before heading out. We left just in time to catch the sunset and get back before dark.

It was about two miles back to the beach. The sunset was a perfect ending to a day that cannot be compared to any other day I've ever had. Eventually, we made it to our backpacks, set up camp, took another shower in the waterfall, ate crackers and cheese for dinner, unsuccessfully attempted to start a fire and fell asleep.

The next morning was our last day in Kalalau. A boat was coming to pick us up at noon and we were heading back to Ke'e Beach. Max and Kayla were picking us up at the trailhead between 4 and 6 in the evening and we were going to share our adventures with everyone. We got to the beach with our camp totally packed up at 8am and started waiting for the boat. While we were waiting, one of the fisherman on the boat happened to be there as well waiting for his captain to pick him up. This was reassuring to have someone else relying on a ride out. We went to the caves and gave the rest of our food away to people in there because we didn't need it anymore. I was going to Bubba Burger's to get a cheeseburger; I didn't need craisins and peanut butter sandwiches anymore. The fisherman, Isaac, started to get a little annoying, so we spotted the PERFECT spot for waiting for a boat. There was a tree overlooking the entire beach with no one occupying it's shade, so we headed over there one at a time with all of our stuff. The time I was there by myself was another time when I felt completely surrounded by God's love and beauty. There was a vast ocean in front of me, a waterfall and luscious deep valley behind me, blue skies above me, and a cool ocean breeze blowing over me - complete serenity.

The time under the tree went from complete serenity to complete helplessness. The sky turned dark and it started to rain. The boat never came. We waited hour after hour after hour for a boat to come around the corner and it didn't come. Other things came though... Isaac came back reassuring us all day that the boat was still coming. A kayaker came to visit us after kayaking to a special beach to collect shells. He let me chose a handful of these precious shells to take home. A girl just hiked in alone and was looking for some friends and couldn't find them, so she hung out with us. Isaac offered everyone fresh crab and ahi that he caught the day before. I didn't eat any because I was so sick to my stomach thinking about my mom and my family and not being able to stick to my word. I was worried sick because I knew they were worried sick. Around four o'clock, we gave up. I couldn't sit and wait any longer. The boat wasn't going to come. We found a new campsite and began setting up again. Britni encouraged me to try to make the most of the situation and realize that there is nothing that we can do about it. Neither one of us were very successful at doing this, but we were showered with blessings that night. Since we gave all of our food away, I was also worried about what I was going to eat. Instead of worrying, we decided the best remedy was another trip to the waterfall. After a cold, refreshing shower, we ventured on and ran into a nice couple. I told our story and gave him mom's phone number. He had a radio that could communicate with boats and maybe someone on a boat could call my mom to tell her that I'm alive. After an unsuccessful attempt, they went through their bags and found snacks to give us. We got two granola bars, one fruit roll up, one boisenberry fruit strip, and one fruit gel pack.

What a blessing! From there, we headed straight to the beach with a boost of spirit and snacks to eat. We split one granola bar and the boisenberry fruit strip. It was too early for the sunset, so we went back to camp and attempted to build another fire. The only problem was that we gave away our matches and I definitely don't know how to start a fire with just friction, so I asked the closest campers to us to borrow a lighter. He ended throwing a neon green Bic lighter across the way and invited us to come for dinner. The fire was unsuccessful again, so I gave up in time to go watch another magnificent show in the sky. We watched the sunset with the two guys that invited us for dinner and followed them back to camp afterwards. For dinner, they cooked kalua pork, asparagus and potatoes with curry powder all served on a plastic red plate with two sets of chopsticks. I have never had such a delicious camping dinner. It was so good, I had to stop eating while Britni got her camera to take a picture of it. We devoured every little morsel off that plate and washed it down with cherries and dark chocolate raisins.

I sacrificed my crackers, craisins, granola bar and peanut butter sandwiches and was rewarded tremendously. As lost and helpless as I felt, God definitely proved to me that He's got it all under control. We finished the night with a dishwashing trip to the waterfall and then went to bed.

There was no way I was going to fall asleep with the rate my mind was going. I needed to calm my nerves and just relax, but it wasn't very easy. That is when I decided to write this story. While laying in the tent that night, I started telling the story of the whole trip in hopes of finding answers and a sense of peace. It was nice to remember the good parts and not focus on what I couldn't control. Once I got to the end of the story, it became hard to tell, so I just stopped. We woke up at 3:30am and decided to try to find the kayaker to give him my Mom's phone number. I knew it probably wouldn't work, but I just needed to do something. We used a sewing needle to poke holes in a piece of cardboard because we didn't have a pen. We punched out my mom's phone number, our names, and the possible times we would be able to be picked up.

He was no where to be found, so we just took down the tent and headed down to the beach to wait for a boat. As I was walking down to the beach, I looked down the coast to see the sun was peeking out of the side of the mountains and the sky was a bright red-purple color.

God was there again. I was convinced I was living in a little preview section of heaven.

The sun came out and so did the people. Around 7am, the beach filled with about 15 people all waiting for a boat to come take them to "Babylon". I was reassured that a boat was probably going to come, but a little nervous there wouldn't be a spot for me on the boat. Then it happened! The boat showed up as a tiny white speck in the ocean. We tried not to get our hopes up, but found ourselves jumping up and down and rushing to pack up our bags one final time. We ran across the shore to a group of Kalalau natives looking like they were headed for the boat as well. I threw my backpack in a black plastic trash bag and struggled to tie it closed. While I was struggling, Britni was getting knocked over by the waves with her big black bag and fighting her way to the boat. Isaac helped me tie my bag closed and I took off into the waves. I was knocked over and washed back to shore a few times before I finally made it past where the waves were breaking. Before I knew it, I was on the boat and a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders. In just an hour and a half, I would be able to call my family and tell them that I am alive. Twelve people were able to fit on the boat that morning and we sped off along the coast. The views were remarkable from the ocean. I tried to take pictures from my seat at the back of the boat on top of a cooler, but instead I grasped the sides of the boat until my fingers were white. Wave after wave splashed into my face as we battled the ocean on our way to Hanalei Bay.

Along the way, we passed our kayaking friend struggling to get back. Unfortunately there wasn't enough room for him on the boat and we had to leave him behind. Finally, we reached Hanalei, leaped off the boat and dug through my not-so waterproof pack to find my cell phone.

I called my mom as quickly as possible only to hear exactly what I didn't want to hear. My family panicked. Grandpa was in Hanalei to hang up missing person posters and interview hikers coming off the trail. They wanted to call search and rescue to report us missing. The family was in turmoil in just a matter of 12 hours. There was nothing I could do, but face everyone and tell them the truth. Some people listened and handled it well, others, not so much. I left the island later that day on unclear terms with my family and an emotional mess. I learned a lot of valuable lessons about myself, hiking, planning, my family and most importantly about trusting God. Even though I went on this trip against my family's will, I don't regret it for a second. God challenged me in the midst of heaven on Earth and I came out a new and refreshed person.